i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize