Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
