id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
