thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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