he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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