He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Jerry, you need to find god
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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