OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
