every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
