You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You smell like stripper and shame
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
