my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
