508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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