I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
