This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
