we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
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Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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