So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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