I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
