We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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