i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
