bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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