I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
