my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
