Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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