This girl is more easily done than said...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
