Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
