I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
