the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
