Pants 0. Shit 1.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We don't watch enough power rangers
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
