you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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