i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
