and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
