I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize