Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
