We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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