fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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