just come out here and I will go home with you...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
