dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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