It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
