I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
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