there's paper in my vomit.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
