cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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