My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
