After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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