Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
