Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
