I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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