I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
