pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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