I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
