Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
