are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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