and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
not ubering you a puppy
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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