I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
