respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
