I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
