Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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