i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
