I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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