I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
