NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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