life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
