He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
