Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize