grandma shit on top of the toilet
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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