i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize