i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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