If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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