How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
