Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
