oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
pop tarts are not kleenex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
