I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
