I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
