But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
