The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
