so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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