and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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