Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize