Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You left your phone here
Wait...
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