Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
